Holding on to a Lie

I sat there, trying to piece everything together. Why in the world would he leave me alone like this? Why would he let the salty, bitter tears fall from my eyes without even trying to stop them? I was confused and hurt. The words kept pouring out of his mouth, excuses to try and sugar coat the words I thought I was never meant to hear.

"It's not you, it's me. It's not Elaine's or anyone's fault."

"We both knew this was going to happen."

"Are you alright?"

I try to hold back as many tears as I can. I don't want him to see how much he's hurting me, that blasted Irish pride I was raised on.

He turned to leave and I knew he would be gone forever. The truth is, I didn't want him back after catching him in bed with his secretary. It was so cliched. All those working late nights...not coming home when he was scheduled too...why hadn't I seen it? What was wrong with me? I continued to blame myself for the fault of another.

Then, I let the tears fall.

The Ex (unfinished)

I sat there, broken hearted and her eyes transfixed on the screen in front of me. I was wondering what went wrong in my life. What did I do to drive every person who had ever gotten close to me away? I sipped her coffee.

There were a lot of people I could talk to, cry to, laugh with and go out with but they weren't true friends. Now, I was at home,alone,typing on my computer and feeling sorry for myself. I felt it was all some kind of a mistake.

You couldn't really lose all of your friends over something so silly as a party, could you?

I didn't want to go to this stupid party. My boyfriend's ex was hosting it...and that made me feel even more uncomfortable. I wasn't too happy about my boyfriend being on such good terms with his ex. I knew he had been unfaithful for a while but asking me to go with him to her party ... that was just wrong.

I felt as though I had to watch every word I said, and tip toe around because I didn't want to offend anyone. I knew that I was walking into a lion's den. Everyone probably had been told about me, the ice queen. Most of the people at this party would be the ex girlfriend's friends and they would hate me just out of loyalty, even though non of them knew me personally.

Also, I was tired of being betrayed.

I felt like I couldn't really be MYSELF. I would just feel awkward and weird around my boyfriend's ex. My boyfriend and his ex weren't on the best of terms,or so they wanted me to believe.

I had no one to talk to. No close friends that I could ask advice from. I had to go to this party or it would look like the ex won and I'll be damned if I give her that satisfaction.

I wouldn't be able to relax at the party but I would look damn good. I looked at the computer screen with a nauseated stomach. All I could do was stare at the e-vite.

Time to back away from the computer, I thought to myself.

We bind ourselves to a logic that cannot exist. We base our ideas on lies such as friendship. I haven't found a true friend since I have been alive, I thought to myself as I sipped by coffee. Why start now?

I flipped on the news. The news was always depressing these days so, I changed the channel and found that the only other thing on was the Home Shopping Network. I frowned. This scam really upset me. Really cheap items for expensive prices and people actually bought into it. I changed the channel to the music channels and jammed out to Kimbra.

I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes for a moment. I had time to think. It was hard to have time to myself between my cheating boyfriend and my daughter. My daughter is five years old, but very bright for her age. She was currently in school. I knew my boyfriend was at his ex's house because I called him at work. His boss, Johnny, was really embarrassed and told me that he never came in.

I had chosen to move our family to Tennessee to be with Robbie, my boyfriend.

Then, my phone rang. It was Robbie.

He decided that he was moving to Maine with Sasha and told me the party that I was invited to was an accident. He was going to propose to Sasha at the party and they were happy together. He told me that I just wasn't doing it for him.

I said a few choice words to him that I won't repeat. Thankfully, my name was on the lease because his credit was bad. I arranged a time when i wouldn't be home for him to come and get his stuff. My only friend in the world, Rachel, would supervise to make sure that Robbie only took his own things.

So, my daughter Amanda, and myself would have to start all over. It was scary and depressing but I had to be strong for my daughter. That is the hardest part.