Bitterness

Eating away at
my thoughts
and
stealing my dreams --

You think you
are destined
to
screw me.

You are mislead
mistaken if
you will -

for you are the one
who's going
to burn

in hell.

The Suicide and The Spirit

DISCLAIMER: I woke up abruptly at 5am this morning, in a cold sweat because I thought this dream was still happening. It freaked me out but I want to add, I AM NOT SUICIDAL, so I don't know where this came from:

I was depressed and scared. I had just taken all of the medication in my bottle and I knew I didn't have much time. I finished my last letter and put it on my dresser for my husband to find. I laid down on the bed, and then things became blurry.

I ended up a spirit standing over my bed and looking down at the scene unfolding. I saw my husband come home and put his things on the kitchen counter and sit at the kitchen table, playing on his laptop. He finally came to bed and turned on the lights by accident. He noticed that I was not responsive and came over to the bed. Then, he started to freak out. I was blue and I wasn't breathing. He called an ambulance and stood over me crying and screaming until the paramedics showed up. The paramedics turned off their lights, because there wasn't a need for them anymore. The spirit part of me felt more alone.

Then, an "angel" comes down and floats beside me. He stands there and tells me that I am going to, "burn in hell for committing suicide" and asks me how I could do this to my family and friends. I look at him and respond, "I don't know. It sounds like you work for a vengeful "god" but mine is merciful and understands. Mine doesn't throw stones or kick those while they're down. If you want to send me to hell, go ahead. It will probably be more interesting down there anyway."